These 10 hilarious Irish news headlines could only have been published in Ireland—and they really were.
Irish headlines are occasionally a bit ridiculous, but some just take the cake for being utterly bonkers.
From missing clothes to condom-endorsing priests, here are our top 10 favourite Irish news headlines. Some sound like they could be satire, but they are, in fact, real!
Ireland Before You Die’s review of the most hilarious Irish news headlines
- Do you remember that time you were in distress because the then-Dundalk FC manager Stephen Kenny couldn’t find his jacket? Neither do we! But a particular Dundalk newspaper headline was!
- Keeping with this spirit, one particular Irish news headline told the tell of a man who, wait for it … fogot his jacket! Ground-breaking stuff, indeed.
- One of the most hilarious Irish news headlines relates to a man who didn’t want to put anyone “out”, despite being stranded on a boat for 12 hours! How Irish is that?
- Another great headline relates to a man from County Kerry who had an entire sea rescue operation underway for him. Little did they know, he was safe and well in a local pub …
- “Please God, make it stop raining” cries a particular Irish news headline. It feels like a headline that could be used almost 365 days a year in Ireland!
10. Dublin priest says he ‘bored’ two armed burglars out of his home
Father Arthur O’Neill told TheJournal.ie that he “wasn’t very priest-like” when he was awoken around 5 am by two armed men pointing a gun to his head.
But the two men didn’t stay very long, leaving just 20 minutes later. O’Neill joked that he bored them off with a sermon that he prepared earlier that day, going on to say that “there’s good in everyone” after the two men returned his stolen mobile phone under a tile outside his door. Only in Ireland!
9. Strange yellow object appears in the sky
The Irish are well known for being able to make fun of themselves. The example in this headline is no exception, as we humour the idea of the sun ever gracing the soils of our Emerald Isle.
This headline from May 2016 was released in a Belfast Telegraph article after Northern Ireland saw temperatures of 20 degrees Celsius, which other hot countries might find laughable.
8. Please God, make it stop raining
Continuing the theme of terrible Irish weather is Bishop Ferns Denis Brennan of County Wexford, who could not hack another week of summer 2012’s rain – he’d had enough!
After relentless wet weather, Brennan inspired this headline at WexfordPeople.ie after asking everyone to pray for sunshine during their weekly Mass. The appeal was made after numerous parishioners inundated the Diocese with requests for weather-related prayer.
“All-powerful and ever-living God… Give us the fine weather we pray for an’ need”, spoke Brennan.
7. Pope approves use of condoms after historic shift
Oh dear.
Thankfully, this hilarious headline on Independent.ie is not referring to Pope Benedict’s pulling skills (“shift” is an Irish slang word with a particular connotation), but instead to the historic shift in the position of the Roman Catholic Church towards the usage of condoms in 2010.
6. Rescue launched for man who was ‘oblivious’ to operation while sitting in pub
This headline on Independent.ie was inspired by a man in his 40s who had an entire sea and cliff rescue operation on the go in County Kerry.
Little did they know, he was safe and well in a pub in the nearby town, completely oblivious to what had been going on outside. Talk about a false alarm…
5. Man stranded for 12 hours on a boat because he ‘didn’t want to put anyone out’
They say the Irish are polite and friendly, but we think this guy maybe took it to the extreme.
During stormy conditions on Lough Derg, the man spent the night alone on a raft for more than 12 hours. He was found fast asleep and told the coast guard that he was “reluctant to call the rescue services, anxious not to put anyone out”. We feel bad for the very polite man, but it did make a good headline on TheJournal.ie.
4. Hat found up a tree in Carney Village
In what was perhaps the slowest day in the history of journalism, the Sligo Weekender newspaper actually reported a lost hat in a tree.
“I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw it up there”, said the resident of Carney, County Sligo, when describing the green, bobbled hat in a tree opposite the local pub.
READ MORE: The top 10 HILARIOUS things that happen on every Irish night out
3. Man forgot he was wearing jacket
In a truly shocking turn of events, a daredevil left a shop wearing a jacket that he had tried on, having forgotten to take off. He inspired this headline in The Dundalk Leader.
Sean Smith of Dundalk ended up purchasing the item after pleading guilty to theft charges, but not before receiving a 150 euro fine. Smith had 40 previous charges related to “accidental” theft.
2. Relief as Stephen Kenny’s jumper is safely returned
All of Ireland breathed a massive sigh of relief as finally, Stephen Kenny’s now-famous jumper was safely returned in one piece.
Then-Dundalk FC Stephen Kenny was having a coffee in a local café when he accidentally left his favourite jumper down and forgot to pick it back up again. Thankfully the jumper was returned to him quickly, and naturally the Dundalk Democrat newspaper picked up on the story to spread joy to the concerned nation.
1. Irish funeral bursts into laughter when pre-recorded message of dead man calling out from his coffin is played
Completing our list of hilarious Irish news headlines is this one from MailOnline, inspired by the tale of Shay Bradley.
Bradley was a soldier who, before sadly passing, decided to leave a pre-recorded message of himself in his coffin to scare the living daylights out of everyone at his funeral.
The tears at this service were of laughter, as the crowd erupted into bellied hysterics as the recording shouted, “Help, let me out. Where the f*ck am I? Let me out, let me out, it’s f*cking dark in here!”
The joker’s recording was unprecedented and took everyone by complete surprise. “Is that a priest I can hear? This is Shay, I’m in the box. No, in f*cking front of you. I’m dead,” it continued.
The clip, filmed in Kilmanagh, Dublin, has since gone viral after the Irish Defence Forces News shared it online.
That’s our top 10 – but it only just scratches the surface of insanely hilarious Irish news headlines.
Thankfully, the Emerald Isle isn’t just reporting about its lost jackets and boring priests – you only have to read about Ireland’s breakthrough social, political and economic successes to know that.
What are your favourite things about Ireland?
Your questions answered about hilarious Irish news headlines
Read our article and still have some questions? Then we have you covered! Here, we have put together the most frequently asked questions about this topic online and from our readers.
What is so special about Ireland?
There are many things that make Ireland so special; its welcoming people, stunning green countryside, golden beaches, rich history and culture, and much, much more.
What type of newspaper is the Irish news?
The Irish News is a newspaper based primarily in the north of the country, which documents local politics, society and sport. It is very popular.
Where is Ireland, the country?
Ireland sits right on the Atlantic Ocean and on the edge of western Europe. Its nearest neighbour is Britain.
What is the most bought newspaper in Ireland?
The Irish Independent would be Ireland’s largest and most bought daily newspaper.
