We all think or hope we’re Irish, but how really Irish are you. If you know 8/10 of these people, you are 100% Irish.
In this feature, journalist Ger Leddin puts your Irishness to test.
If you know eight out of ten of these Irish people, and/or recognise the personality types, well then you probably are Irish and no denying it.
10. Saint Anthony – the man you call to find what you’ve lost
Yeah, you read it right.
Ok, you might not know the holy-man personally, but the chances are that if you’ve ever lost your mobile phone, wallet, or car keys, he’s the first guy you call.
You see, as Irish people, when we were kids and lost something, our sainted mothers would always say, “say a prayer to St. Anthony, and you’ll find it.”
Being the patron saint of lost causes, Saint Anthony was traditionally pretty good at finding things and the guy who normally saved Irish mothers from the headache of looking for lost toys.
Of course, as you got older, the mammy was replaced by girlfriends and bartenders who equally couldn’t be bothered with helping you search.
9. Bono – an international superstar
Everyone throughout the world has heard of U2’s lead singer.
However, if you fall into the category of having a deeply held opinion on whether or not he’s a prat or the greatest idol that Ireland has ever produced well, then you’re definitely Irish.
You simply can’t lay claim to being Irish without coming down on one side of the argument or the other.
8. Mammy and Daddy, not Mum and Dad – get it right
Right, admittedly, nearly all people of all the various nationalities will have had parents. But only if you’re really Irish will you have had a mammy or daddy.
You see, foreigners — those who score less than eight on this scale — don’t have mammies or daddies, they have mothers or fathers, or even in some elevated circles maters and paters, or across the Atlantic mums and dads, but here in Ireland, we have mammies and daddies.
7. Ann and Barry or Tara and Ben – they taught us how to read
If you grew up in Ireland of the eighties and were educated in an Irish primary school, then you definitely would have come across the adventures of Ann and Barry and know whom I’m talking about.
Now, just in case you don’t know whom I’m talking about, I’ll tell you.
Ann and Barry started in a children’s school book during the eighties and their adventures — like helping mammy with the shopping or daddy wash the car — helped teach Irish kids to learn to read.
Eventually, Ann and Barry grew up, got bored with eating mammy’s bread and jam for tea, and left home only to be replaced by Tara and Ben who, to be honest, weren’t all that more exciting.
So, if you know 8/10 of these people, you are 100% Irish, how many have you got so far?
6. Dev and Charlie – the President and Taoiseach
You don’t need to be Irish to know who either Éamon de Valera or Charles J Haughey were, but if you’re really-really Irish, the chances are that in your childhood home, the former President and Taoiseach were simply referred to as Dev and Charlie.
Whether or not they were reviled or sanctified in your house. Well, that’s another story.
5. Gay Byrne, Pat Kenny, or what’s his name, the new fella? – of the Late Late Show
Depending on your age, watching The Late Late Show on either a Friday or Saturday night was almost compulsory, and then you either went clubbing or made the last cup of tea to take to bed.
Either way, if you are really-really-really Irish, you will have an opinion on who was the best Late Late Show host: Byrne, Kenny or Ryan Tubridy.
So, if you know 8/10 of these people, you are 100% Irish, how many have you got so far?
4. Aunty Mary – we all have one
To be a true Irish man, you have to have had an Aunty, or worse still, a grandaunt Mary.
You know the type who visits at the most inopportune time and insists on clutching you to her sickly sweet smelling cheeks, viciously tussling your hair, and then asks, “How are you getting on at school?”
3. A friend who disappears when it is his round – just like magic
We all know them, the invisible men who magically disappear when it’s their turn to buy a round.
Seriously, they will join the company drinking pint after pint when the drinks are going down, but when it comes to their turn, puff! Like magic, they’re gone, vanished without a trace.
Some invisible men have it down to a fine art; they’ll simply go to the loo while their victim orders and pays, and the really expert ones will come back and pocket the change from the counter.
2. The “is the kettle on?” neighbour – mammy’s best friend
Unlike the invisible man, the “is the kettle on?” neighbour is all too visible.
She – and it’s nearly always a female friend of your mammy – will drop in about a dozen times a day, drink copious cups of tea, and gossip non-stop.
Ok, they’re not the worst in the world, if only they would keep their visits to single numbers.
So, if you know 8/10 of these people, you are 100% Irish, how many have you got so far?
1. The wan you’ve always fancied – biggest regret
Your-wan that you’ve always fancied lived a few streets away from you and was a year ahead of you in school. She’s normally really-really good-looking, but you’ve never seen her with a boyfriend.
You don’t even know her name, and to ask about her would be admitting to your mates that she’s gorgeous and that you dream about her constantly, and that could never do.
You grow up, and you don’t see her for a few years, then you do come across her and she’s married and pushing a pram, but she’s still gorgeous. You kick yourself for not asking her out years ago. Ah, such is life!
