Top 10 hilariously depressing reviews of Dublin nightclubs

Dublin nightlife is vibrant and memorable, but experiences certainly vary. Here are 10 hilariously depressing Google reviews of Dublin nightclubs.

Dublin – the capital of the Republic of Ireland – is known worldwide for its pubs and social scene. What is potentially less documented, however, is the nightclub scene that draws people to Dublin on a weekly basis.

Whether you’re looking for an upmarket affair where cocktails and classy attire are expected or a loose, let-your-hair-down kind of place, Dublin sure has it all.

And while it is generally accepted that Dublin has a decent social scene, these 10 customers have decided to take to the Internet with their hilariously depressing Google reviews of Dublin nightclubs.

10. D Two – “cocktails with zero alcohol”

D Two has one of our top 10 hilariously depressing reviews of Dublin nightclubs
Credit: www.dtwonightclub.com

D Two is a lively late-night bar that opens seven days a week from 5 pm until late. It is known for after-work crowds and those who want to bust a move on the dance floor (on the weekend). D Two is also popular for its walled, all-weather beer garden, which is ideal in a place when changeable forecasts riddle our day-to-day.

This customer had a slightly less enjoyable experience than we’d expect, however: “If you want cocktails with zero alcohol, head to this place! Absolute terrible drinks and service.”

9. Fitzsimons Hotel and Bar – “obnoxious people”

Fitzsimons holds one of our top 10 hilariously depressing reviews of Dublin nightclubs
Credit: fitzsimonshotel.com

This hotel, bar, and nightclub is located in Temple Bar, ensuring a steady footfall as it is in the heart of the tourist centre. Its close proximity to the River Liffey and central location make it a handy destination too, and drink deals and old school tunes seem to keep the crowds coming.

This one-star reviewer, however, is not likely to return: “Rooftop bar has no sun after 4:30pm, no view and a pint is €7.50. Instead, you have loud, drunk, obnoxious people. Avoid.”

8. Dicey’s – “has a very strange crowd”

Dicey's has one of our top 10 hilariously depressing reviews of Dublin nightclubs
Credit: @diceysdublin / Instagram

This bar has been around for a long time, and every Dublin local is sure to have had at least one (probably bad) experience in it. This customer certainly did, anyway!

“Might be the worst place in Dublin. The service is terrible on so many levels: bartenders, cloakroom, service, security (some). Also, it smells terrible and has a very strange crowd.”

7. Everleigh – “totally last season”

Everleigh has one of our top 10 hilariously depressing reviews of Dublin nightclubs
Credit: https://everleigh.ie

Everleigh is located on Harcourt Street alongside a string of other mediocre and trashy clubs. Simply put, we’re not all that surprised that this one-star reviewer felt the need to take to the Internet in revolt.

In fact, they sum it up perfectly: “Too many drunk youngsters… men get into fights… that is totally last season”.

6. Club M – “hasn’t moved on from the 80s”

Club M has one of our top 10 hilariously depressing reviews of Dublin nightclubs
Credit: @clubmtemplebar / Facebook

This Dublin nightclub is located in Temple Bar in the heart of the Cultural Quarter and the tourist trail. It attracts a steady stream of locals and tourists on Friday and Saturdays (closed all other days of the week) but some could argue it has had its day.

This reviewer would be one of them: “Hasn’t moved on from the 80’s, dump”.

5. Twenty Two Nightclub – “wouldn’t recommend this place to my worst enemy”

Twenty Two is a well-known Dublin nightclub
Credit: @TwentyTwoDublin / Facebook

Most people would say that their worst enemy in life deserves, well, the worst. This person who went to Twenty Two Nightclub, just off Grafton Street, seems to have had such an atrocious experience, they wouldn’t even wish it on their enemy.

“Disgraceful staff, disgraceful and rude security. Wouldn’t recommend this place to my worst enemy.”

4. Turk’s Head – “overpriced kip”

Turk's Head is a popular Dublin nightclub
Credit: @TurksHeadChopHouse / Facebook

The Turk’s Head is a late-night bar and club located in Temple Bar. It’s a popular choice for those who want to sip on cocktails and get on their dancing shoes, in equal measure. This previous client, however, could sum up the joint in just two words: “Overpriced kip”.

3. Odeon – “would rather chew off my own arm”

Odeon is a popular Dublin nightclub
Credit: odeon.ie

While the majority of us would happily choose to sit in the world’s worst bar if it came down to the ultimatum between that or losing one’s arm, this one-star reviewer begs to differ.

“Pretentious dusty dinosaur bar with the rudest staff in Dublin. The owners seem to think it’s 2005 all over again where this kind of thing is acceptable. Would rather chew off my own arm than be dragged back to this place.”

2. Xico – “four thumbs down”

Xico is a popular Dublin nightclub
Credit: @xicodublin / Instagram

This wild bar-cum-taco joint and nightclub has become synonymous with Dublin’s revellers who enjoy the late-night madness six days a week (closed Sundays). This customer has alternative opinions, however.

“I wish I had two more hands, to give this place four thumbs down. Slow, unenthusiastic staff. Aye mate, I don’t wanna be here either but at least you’re getting paid to be here.”

1. Copper Face Jack’s – “if purgatory was a nightclub”

Copper Face Jack's is a notorious Dublin nightclub
Credit: @vipsyapp / Instagram

Unsurprisingly, this infamous nightclub on Harcourt Street gets number one on our list of top hilariously depressing reviews of Dublin nightclubs.

“If purgatory was a nightclub in Dublin full of teenagers vomiting on each other this place would be it. Don’t believe the hype, run and don’t look back.”  

Facebook Comments

If you liked this article, why not download our eBook: The Irish Bucket List: 101 places to see in Ireland before you die (eBook)

Paris Donnatella is an avid writer and traveller. From a young age, nomadic parents placed a strong emphasis on education in real experience and the outdoors - a trait which has carried through her life and into her career. She has travelled Europe, Africa, America, Asia and Australia and still claims that wanderlust tempts her daily. Saying that she believes Ireland - her homeland - is the most enchanting place she has ever been and is passionate about documenting the Emerald Isle. Chances are, you can find her drinking coffee in some hidden gem cafe in Dublin, planning her next big trip.