The Irish are known for their inherent sense of humour. Colloquially known as “the craic”, Irish humour is dry and sarcastic. It is meant with the best intentions, so its best not to take Irish humour too seriously!
If you’re looking to fit in with the locals, check out these ten hilarious Irish jokes which will get the whole pub laughing.
10. The Guinness Factory Pub
This Irish joke would be best told in the pub over pints of the “black stuff” (aka Guinness); it merely highlights the Irish people’s love for the local stout.
One night, Mrs McMillen answers the door to see her husband’s best friend, Paddy, standing on the doorstep.
“Hello Paddy, where is my husband? He went with you to the beer factory.”
Paddy shook his head. “Ah Mrs McMillen, there was a terrible accident at the beer factory, your husband fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned.”
Mrs McMillen starts crying. “Oh don’t tell me that, did he at least go quickly?”
Paddy shakes his head. “Not really – he got out three times to pee!”
9. The Empty Glass
This short and sweet Irish joke could be reenacted to a barman or told amongst friends and is bound to get a few laughs.
The barman says to Paddy, “Your glass is empty, fancy another one?”
Looking puzzled Paddy says “Why would I be needed two empty feckin’ glasses?”
8. Sunday: A Day of Rest
Many people know that Sunday means a day of rest and in the countryside little opens. There are always a few exceptions, however. This Irish joke is sure to get a few laughs in the pub!
Liam had left Dublin to go up to Belfast for a bit of skydiving. Late on Sunday evening, he was found in a tree by a farmer.
“What happened?” said the farmer
Liam replied, “my parachute failed to open!”
“Well!” said the farmer “if you had asked the locals before you jumped, they would have told you nothing opens here on a Sunday!”
7. A Little Trip-Up
This is another one of the hilarious Irish jokes that will make everyone laugh for its simplicity and play on words!
When Billy saw Paddy with one of his shoelaces was undone, he said, “watch you don’t trip up over your laces, Paddy.”
Paddy said, “Yeah, it’s these bloody instructions.”
Billy said, “What instructions, Paddy?”
Paddy replies, “Underneath the shoe, it says ‘Taiwan’.”
6. A Light Bulb Goes Off
If you’re looking for another one of our top hilarious Irish jokes, this is it!
Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.
Paddy says to Murphy, “I’m gonna’ get the day off. I’m gonna’ pretend I’ve gone mad!”
So Paddy climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts “I’m a light bulb, I’m a light bulb!” while Murphy watches in amazement.
The foreman shouts: “Paddy, go home. You’ve gone mad.”
As Paddy leaves the site, Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
“Where do you think you’re going?” asks the foreman.
“Well, I can’t work in the friggin’ dark!” said Murphy.
5. An Answered Prayer
This funny Irish joke will definitely get the whole pub in fits of giggles – you can thank us later!
An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space.
“Lord,” he prayed. “I can’t stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I’ll give up the Guinness and go to mass every Sunday.”
Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the Irishman says: “Never mind, I found one!”
4. Getting Directions
The Irish are portrayed as being both great and terrible at giving directions, and if this Irish joke is anything to go by, it would be the latter!
Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.
Paddy says, “Are you on foot or in the car?”
Billy says, “In the car.”
Paddy says, “That’s the quickest way.”
3. The Drunken Priest
This laugh out loud Irish joke will ensure you make a good few friends in the pub this weekend!
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, “Sir, have you been drinking?”
“Just water,” says the priest.
The trooper says, “Then why do I smell wine?”
The priest looks at the bottle and says, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”
2. A Call from Beyond the Grave
This hilarious Irish joke is short and sweet, and packs quite a punch!
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died.
He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. “Did you see the paper?” asked Gallagher. “They say I died!!”
“Yes, I saw it!” replied Finney. “Where are ye callin’ from?”
1. The Doctor and a Patient
No one wants to hear that they’ve not long to go, but this funny Irish joke will surely give people the giggles.
Dr O’Mahony tells his patient: “I have bad news and worse news, John.”
“Oh dear,” John replies. “What’s the bad news?” asks the patient.
The doctor replies: “You only have 24 hours to live.”
“That’s terrible,” says the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”
Dr O’Mahony replies: “I’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday.”