10 CLASSIC Paddy Irishman JOKES for a good laugh

The Irish are well known for not taking themselves seriously, and these Paddy Irishman jokes prove just that.

10 classic Paddy Irishman jokes for a good laugh.

Anyone who knows anything about the Irish nation and its humour will know that we are synonymous with the Paddy Irishman jokes, which have given people plenty of laughs over the years.

Since laughter has no boundaries and humour has a fantastic way of bringing people together, we thought we would share ten classic Paddy Irishman jokes for a good laugh.

10. Death at the brewery – the best way to drown

A black and white close-up of a man laughing.
Credit: Unsplash/ Denis Agati

One evening, Mrs Macmillan answered the door to see her husband’s best friend, Paddy, standing on the doorstep.

She greeted him but, worrying, asked where her husband was since they had taken a trip to the brewery together. “Ah, Mrs Macmillan, there was a terrible accident at the brewery, and he fell into the vat of Guinness and drowned”.

Mrs. Macmillan shouted, “Oh no, don’t tell me that. Did he at least go quickly?”

He responded, “Not really – he got out a few times to pee”.

9. Paddy’s tidying troubles – old love letters

A woman sitting on a couch, bent double with laughter at one of our Paddy Irishman jokes.
Credit: Pixabay/ thisismyurl

For weeks, Paddy’s wife, Bridget, had been nagging him to clean the attic. Finally, he reluctantly climbed up to start the task. A while later, he came down covered in dust and cobwebs.

Bridget asked, “Paddy, did you clean the attic?”.

Paddy panted and replied, “I did, love. But I found a box of old love letters from my ex-girlfriends.”

Bridget looked concerned and asked, “Well, what did you do with them?”.

Paddy grinned and said, “Well, sure, I put them back in the attic for safekeeping!”.

8. Paddy’s sweet tooth predicament – shovel full of sugar

A close-up of a man holding his face and laughing.
Credit: Flickr/ Gregory Gill, CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 DEED

One evening, Paddy decided to bake a cake for dessert. He carefully followed the recipe, but when he tasted the cake, he frowned and said, “It’s too sweet! I must’ve added too much sugar”.

His friend Murphy tried a bite and asked, “Paddy, did you use the teaspoon I gave you?”.

Paddy shook his head and replied, “No, Murphy, I couldn’t find the teaspoon, so I used the shovel instead!”.

7. Is this your pen? – an easy way to tell

Two friends, one mostly outside the frame, laugh at one of our Paddy Irishman jokes.
Credit: Flickr/ premasagar, CC BY-NC 2.0 DEED

Mick finds a pen and asks Paddy, “Is this your pen?”.

Paddy says, “Give it here, and I’ll try it out”.

He tries it and says, “Yes, it is; thanks, Mick”.

Mick asks him, “Paddy, how can you be so sure that it is your pen?”.

Paddy says, “Ah well, that’s easy; I’d recognise my handwriting anywhere”.

6. Paddy’s wise choice of friends – priorities in order

A group of friends hugging and laughing at sunset.
Credit: Pexels/ Helena Lopes

Paddy’s family were concerned about his choice of friends, as he seemed to be spending too much time with a group of mischievous leprechauns.

They asked, “Paddy, why are you always hanging out with those cunning leprechauns?”.

Paddy shrugged and said, “Well, you see, it’s like this – when you’ve got friends that can turn water into whiskey, who needs anyone else?”.

5. The doughnuts – an easy win

A woman with glitter on her face and arms laughs at one of our Paddy Irishman jokes.
Credit: Pexels/ Rodolfo Quirós

Paddy and Mick are walking down the road.

Paddy tells Mick, “If you can guess how many doughnuts I have in my bag, you can have them both”.

4. Four years for Paddy – take what you can get

A man wearing sunglasses smiles on a sunny day.
Credit: Pexels/ Jean-Daniel Francoeur

Mick and Sean were out having a few pints on the weekend when Mick said to Sean, “How’s your uncle Paddy? I haven’t seen him in a while”.

Sean replied, “Well, Uncle Paddy had the bright idea to make a new car, so he took the motor from a Ford, the wheels from a Cadillac, and the radiator from a Lexus”.

Mick asks, “And what did he get?”.

Sean replied, “Four years in prison”.

3. The quickest way to Cork – a bit of common sense

A man in a suit standing against a white back and laughing at one of our Paddy Irishman jokes.
Credit: Pixabay/ Pexels

Billy stops Paddy in Dublin to ask for the quickest way to Cork.

Paddy says, “Are you on foot or in the car?”.

Billy says, “In the car”.

To which Paddy replies, “That’s the quickest way”.

2. The return ticket – a simple request

Two friends point at each other and laugh in an urban park.
Credit: Pexels/ Jorge Alvarez Lecaros

Paddy walks into a train station, presents himself at the ticket counter, and says, “I’d like to book a return ticket, please”.

“Where to?”.

“To here”, says Paddy!

1. The departed missus – a matter of milk

Two friends sitting in a bar drinking beers and laughing at one of our Paddy Irishman jokes.
Credit: Pexels/ Pressmaster

Mick and Paddy were out in the pub having a few pints when Paddy let slip that his wife went out for milk a few days back and never came home.

Mick asks, “How are you getting on?”.

Paddy says, “Not too badly; I started using that powdered milk stuff”.

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